The Weed
by Kasey
Summary: This is humor of the sweatdrop category. Treize finds a weed in his garden obsessive antics ensue. Must be read to be believed! Reviews make me a happy writer... hint


This is a Gundam Wing fanfiction.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the pictures in my head.  
  
Warning: Yaoi, humor. Nothing to be afraid of, but there's a wittle itty bitty bit of touchy-feely (grope-grope). Okay, there's an *innuendo*; so sue me. Major OOC. Sort of Relena-bashing, but not really. Yet another fic to fall into my exclusive category of *sweatdrop*.  
  
Author: Kasey  
  
Archive: Not unless I send it to you.  
  
Status: Complete, self-edited.  
  
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"The Weed"  
  
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"Yaaahhhh!!!!!"  
  
Wufei glanced up from his book as Treize burst through the door and started madly digging through a box marked, "Tools."  
  
"What now?"  
  
"...Weed."  
  
"Oh." Wufei resumed reading his book. Treize continued to shuffle through the box until he pulled a trowel out. He looked at it, cackled evilly, and ran back outside. Wufei shook his head. Poor Treize.  
  
Treize pounced on the weed with a growl of exertion and began to dig it up. He dug two feet into the ground before carefully pulling a long root out.  
  
"Hah!" He threw the offending plant into a nearby trash bag, and returned to the house.  
  
This time Wufei didn't bother to look up. "So, how'd it go?"  
  
"Just fine," Treize replied, strutting over to the box of tools and dropping the trowel in. "No weed lasts long in my garden."  
  
"Of course not."  
  
---  
  
"...Treize?" Wufei asked. The man was searching through the spice cabinet, and small canisters and jars were spread across the counter. "What the hell are you looking for?"  
  
"Salt."  
  
Wufei held up the salt shaker. "We're out, except for what's in here. Will this work?"  
  
Treize blinked and took the salt shaker. "Yes...Yes, of course." He smiled at his young lover, and left the kitchen. Wufei followed him.  
  
Treize went through the living and dining rooms, out the door, and straight back to his rose gardens. Wufei then watched as Treize shook salt all over a tall, thin, sickly looking plant. Treize grinned as he walked back up to the house.  
  
"Same weed?"  
  
"Yes," Treize said, putting an arm around Wufei's waist. "But I've got it, this time."  
  
Wufei smiled and leaned into Treize. "Good."  
  
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"GODDAMN!!"  
  
"The weed again?"  
  
"YAAHAHAHAA!!!"  
  
"Treize! No! Gimmie back my sword. Treize!!"  
  
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Treize glared at Wufei. Wufei tactfully ignored him. The former General had gone ballistic due to the weed in the middle of his rose gardens. Finally Wufei glanced up at Treize.  
  
"Treize?"  
  
His lover growled at him.  
  
"Maybe you should ignore it?"  
  
"It's in the middle of my roses!!"  
  
Wufei sighed and went over to Treize. He sat down on the man's lap, running his hands around his back. "I know. But you take such good care of your roses...it'll be gone next year, Treize."  
  
Treize did not want to be comforted. "It dies, tomorrow."  
  
"Treize..."  
  
"It's either me or the weed."  
  
"Please don't say that."  
  
"You don't think I can do it, do you?"  
  
"I didn't say that..."  
  
"Well, then, I'll show you." He grinned at Wufei, and reached for the phone, absently running his other hand around Wufei's backside. Wufei arched into Treize's touch as his lover typed out a number from memory, and waited for the phone to ring. "Hello, Milliard? Just fine. Could I ask a favor of you?"  
  
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Wufei smiled and stretched. Treize had been so happy about his foolproof plan to destroy the weed, that he had decided to celebrate. Wufei had been quite happy to comply.  
  
"Good morning, love! They'll be here any minute."  
  
Wufei groaned and rolled out of bed. He ran through the shower, and pulled on a robe. By the time he was out, he could hear Milliard pulling into the driveway. He walked into the living room in time to open the door for him.  
  
Treize walked in. "Ah, Milliard!" The two friends embraced quickly, before a second visitor entered the house. "And Relena. How are you?"  
  
Relena smiled and blinked big, blue eyes. "Very well, thank you. I'm afraid I have business to deal with at the school, so this will have to be quick. Where is it?"  
  
"Right this way." Treize led them all outside and towards his gardens. "It's here." He pointed to the weed, which was looking as bright and fresh as ever. "It showed up a couple of weeks ago, but I'm really not sure how to deal with it. I thought, perhaps, a woman's touch..." Wufei barely managed to stifle a snigger.  
  
Relena cooed and kneeled next to the weed. "Oh, the poor thing. Look, here, it's starting to bloom! It looks like it's had a hard time--probably fighting all of those roses for sunlight. Tsk." She immediately started to brush dead leaves away from the stem, and piled up the dirt around the base. "Do you have a watering can?"  
  
Treize pulled Wufei close to him, and they watched as Relena watered the weed, pampered it, gave it fertilizer, tested the soil, and watered it again. Then she sat down and started talking to it about the weather.  
  
Wufei glanced at his obsessive lover. Sometimes he came up with the craziest ideas.  
  
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"Thank you for taking care of that plant for me, Relena." The girl smiled cutely and curtsied.  
  
"Please think nothing of it. I was glad to help."  
  
"And Milliard, thank you for bringing her here."  
  
"Anytime, Treize." The two men shook hands. Milliard gave Wufei a quick hug, and then turned to leave.  
  
Once the siblings were gone, Wufei turned on his partner. "Treize?"  
  
Treize smiled happily at his young love, and took his hand. "Let me show you." He pulled Wufei back out to the gardens, and pointed towards the weed. Wufei squinted. He couldn't see the weed...oh, there it was! But it was...  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
Treize jogged down to where the weed lay, limp and yellowing, on the ground. Wufei was right behind him.  
  
"What...?"  
  
"Relena has a sad habit of overdoing the motherly instincts, Wufei," Treize said gleefully, gently pulling the dead weed out of the ground. "I am afraid that such smothering techniques can sometimes produce some... sorrowful results."  
  
"Too true," Wufei whistled, as Treize slowly lowered the weed into a garbage bag. "Quite sad."  
  
"I think it was an honorable sacrifice, hm, Wufei?" He turned flashing eyes on his lover. Wufei had turned back towards the house.  
  
"Sounds about right, to me. What was the occas--!!!"  
  
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The End!  
  
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End file.
